Michelle🤩

Michelle🤩

@mylifeinstarrstown

Just a wannabe. Documenting my wanna-life. Raising 4 rascals with my best friend and hunk. Homeschooler/quilter/SAHM. Bipolar&DDD. Open up. End stigma

Michelle🤩

@mylifeinstarrstown


https://scontent.cdninstagram.com/132426feb840911f1310f913fdf1de97/5ADDFD58/t51.2885-15/s320x320/e35/26267963_1754153844881176_1419967903758811136_n.jpg

Comment from Michelle🤩:


On the cutting mat... I’m finally making a quilt for myself. I’ve made dozens for other people and never for myself. Last time I tried I ended up giving it to someone else because it was made for them, I just knew it. I’m so excited for this otter quilt. Otterly excited 😆

11 Hours ago

Michelle🤩

@mylifeinstarrstown


https://scontent.cdninstagram.com/a61ded2e6995733e372840b86d3c4dc8/5ADC2476/t51.2885-15/s320x320/e35/26072504_136682090359876_8695779546999291904_n.jpg

Comment from Michelle🤩:


Yesterday we listened to parts of the “I have a dream” speech for MLK day. Today we wrote what our dream would be to help the world. “I have a dream that everyone will be friends so no one will be lonely.” And “I have a dream that there will be no bad guys! Everyone will be safe.”

14 Hours ago

Michelle🤩

@mylifeinstarrstown


https://scontent.cdninstagram.com/37377f8a2ca5fc4204444a564f7ca6a2/5AE93A9D/t51.2885-15/s320x320/e35/26072810_359307131204826_421754806235824128_n.jpg

Comment from Michelle🤩:


I have rapid cycling bipolar II. This means I can be tortured with suicidal thoughts in the morning and by afternoon hosting dance parties in the kitchen with my kids. And in the evening applying for a loan for a fantastic small business idea. Then laying awake at night while the house is asleep wondering why I should even stay alive. I also have depersonalization/derealization disorder (DDD) (see previous post for description) which has confused me my entire life. There is power in diagnosis. It puts a name or names to the monster. Some people tell me, you don’t look sick. You don’t act sick. That just means I hide it really well. Mental illness doesn’t have to have a “look”. Everyone experiences their mental illness differently and each requires their own specific treatment. Currently I’m in a trial and error stage of a new medication regiment and it is just the worst. It takes weeks and weeks to get it just right. I’ve wanted to quit so many times. But today I go in again to meet with my provider and we’ll tweak everything a little more and see if it levels me out. But first, I’ll eat this chocolate I’ve been stashing away from the kids 🍫. My love to you all. Keep it up, you’ve already won the day! You are awake! You beat yesterday! Remember to reach out and talk about it. It will lift the burden just airing it out. 🖤

15 Hours ago

Michelle🤩

@mylifeinstarrstown


https://scontent.cdninstagram.com/5ADFF003/t51.2885-15/s320x320/e35/26398096_160513407919048_3331133350097190912_n.jpg

Comment from Michelle🤩:


I’m considered an eclectic homeschooler. I pulled my kids out of public school in November and have loved every second. Today we did our spelling notebooks, khan academy for math, reading, and a history lesson about Martin Luther King Jr. Diffusing lavender and peppermint helps keep us tranquil and focused. @edensgardenoils Our decision to homeschool was complicated and hard. We know it’s the right thing for this year and we’ll see what life brings us before making decisions about our homeschool future 📓 🏠 ✏️ 📝 💻

1 Days ago

Michelle🤩

@mylifeinstarrstown


https://scontent.cdninstagram.com/b2db8bc159ce6b718678e08a1e98c92b/5AFBAA1D/t51.2885-15/s320x320/e35/26074008_143570436355238_6456296707381526528_n.jpg

Comment from Michelle🤩:


“I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character.” MLK Jr My other Instagram account about my family as a whole is @starrstown if I know you personally and we are friends, go follow me there too ❤️

1 Days ago

Michelle🤩

@mylifeinstarrstown


https://scontent.cdninstagram.com/ab4abb4793f394db6b1d846470e9be91/5AF20BF3/t51.2885-15/e35/s320x320/26068605_165811967479186_2468439394319597568_n.jpg

Comment from Michelle🤩:


Today I was a raspberry at church. Pretty in pinky-purple. I started this separate Instagram because I need a place to write and talk and ramble and think. In 2016 I was looking at a picture of myself at my highest weight. I looked at it and loved my smile and my hair and my face. Yeah, I looked heavy. But I didn’t care. It was incredible! I was overweight and👏🏻I👏🏻was👏🏻still👏🏻happy👏🏻!!! Wait. What? I’m allowed to feel joy and happiness even when I’m fat? YES! It was a pivotal moment in my life. I felt something click in my brain and waves of self love came crashing in. After years of self loathing and constantly obsessing over my weight, I was free. I still have times when I go back to my old ways and hate my body but it’s only when I’m depressed and never for long. Yeah, I still look pregnant but I have 4 children to love. I’ve never had a thigh gap, I have majestic mermaid thighs that helped me carry my babies. My hair is long and beautiful and I love my feet and hands. This last summer I had a depression episode more severe than ever before. I’m not cured. I never will be. I’m always at risk. I’m fighting a losing battle. But I’m fighting and that’s what matters. I’m doing everything I can to care for my mental health, whatever that means. One step I recommend to anyone struggling; unfollow any person or account on all social media that makes you feel negatively about yourself. I unfollowed many friends and businesses because their “perfection” was literally negativity I was holding in my hand or carrying in my pocket. Feed your soul good things. Love yourself. Be a raspberry if it’s making you happy ❤️ good luck to me and all of you in the new week. 🤙🏻

2 Days ago

Michelle🤩

@mylifeinstarrstown


https://scontent.cdninstagram.com/e50b84b342ca0dd89ee33448a465e22a/5AF9E902/t51.2885-15/e35/s320x320/26065990_2023110694601383_8261238099137265664_n.jpg

Comment from Michelle🤩:


There are days I can’t bear to look in the mirror. But there are more days, these days, when I look a little longer because I see that spunky soul in my eyes waiting to mingle with all the other feisty souls. Self love saved my life. My favorite lady for that is @selfloveliv selflove depersonalizationderealizationdisorder bipolar bipolar2

3 Days ago

Michelle🤩

@mylifeinstarrstown


https://scontent.cdninstagram.com/37350e7ac599ab0e29635be5efde2d3c/5AE6379C/t51.2885-15/e35/s320x320/26310673_198441300736130_1622727885259276288_n.jpg

Comment from Michelle🤩:


What does it mean to be a mom with a mental illness? It means taking the hardest job, creating raising nurturing children into decent adults while your brain is on fire or oozing out your ears. It means screaming back at the voice in your head telling you they would be better off without you. It means explaining to your 7 and 8-year-olds about invisible illnesses and comparing bipolar to never knowing if you’ll be Tigger or Eeyore. It means hiding when you can’t stop crying because you don’t want to scare them. It means faking feeling well even if it feels like your heart is disintegrating so you can change the next diaper. It means fighting every second to be better for them. Because THEY are the reason you want to feel well and THEY are the reason you never give in. And THEY are the reason you open your eyes, even if you wish you could float away. That’s part of what it’s like to be a mom with a mental illness or two.

3 Days ago

Michelle🤩

@mylifeinstarrstown


https://scontent.cdninstagram.com/999f614dbe89139044797a8d3f2c1e53/5ADF6C64/t51.2885-15/s320x320/e35/26151731_2095921337312042_8579330575444213760_n.jpg

Comment from Michelle🤩:


Exactly how I always felt, feel, will feel. But I never knew how to describe it. 💀🖤🤔 depersonalizationderealizationdisorder ddd mentalhealth mentalillness invisibleillness

3 Days ago

Michelle🤩

@mylifeinstarrstown


https://scontent.cdninstagram.com/8b7c66ef38a19e55558aa1b123d13f10/5AF2B943/t51.2885-15/s320x320/e35/26152083_158191421496444_5952352483551477760_n.jpg

Comment from Michelle🤩:


Hello Instagram. 🤟🏻 I’m an almost 30-year-old (😩) mother of 4 and I love quilting, fabric, planning, organizing, cooking, sea otters and food. My Faith guides me as a life long member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. I’ve battled with my mental health for as long as I can remember and am AGAINNNN seeking new treatment. I have rapid cycling bipolar 2, switching hourly leaving me with suicidal thoughts or grand plans and far fetched ideas, several times a day. I also have had life-long depersonalization/derealization disorder (DDD) which I’ve only grasped in the past couple years because I’ve always had it and didn’t know it wasn’t normal. I’m very scattered and flying all different directions at once OR I’m too depressed to function. But none of it feels exactly real. It’s an interesting combination of disorders 😂. I’ve been wanting to reach out and get my words down since I stumbled across @selfloveliv and her inspiring decision to be REAL. So this is where I’ll keep all my ramblings. ✌🏻🤙🏻🖤

3 Days ago

Michelle🤩

@mylifeinstarrstown


https://scontent.cdninstagram.com/97185ff6abe5210964cf9261e69620e4/5AD88E02/t51.2885-15/e35/s320x320/26864459_395902100833963_3141364085593997312_n.jpg

Comment from Michelle🤩:


Preparing for our March move and full-time RV life. thegreatdownsize rvlife fulltimerving konmari donatingorselling

3 Days ago

Michelle🤩

@mylifeinstarrstown


https://scontent.cdninstagram.com/bc1e5fe97efb48a33f55a4e90aa92dfb/5AE4D3FE/t51.2885-15/s320x320/e35/26224079_929435527223025_7196122506497884160_n.jpg

Comment from Michelle🤩:


Just switching over a load of whites I’ve washed 3 times this week because the mildew kept setting in while I battled bipolar lows all week. bipolar2 laundry invisibleillness endshame

4 Days ago

Michelle🤩

@mylifeinstarrstown


https://scontent.cdninstagram.com/f18461c958cad79f6dc29ff1d18f454a/5AF1B14C/t51.2885-15/s320x320/e35/26073802_570283256653940_5667697972616364032_n.jpg

Comment from Michelle🤩:


I just paper pieced this adorable little Christmas tree because I’ve always wanted to try paper piecing. Isn’t it the cutest? Super simple step-by-step method with pdf pattern from @3and3quarters search her YouTube channel

4 Days ago

Michelle🤩

@mylifeinstarrstown


https://scontent.cdninstagram.com/15f35a60ac5f3e2c10bd05274c819252/5AF01B62/t51.2885-15/s320x320/e35/26070604_122778565194571_1716649688922324992_n.jpg

Comment from Michelle🤩:


4 Days ago